My Amang grew up from a
very poor family. In fact, he only reached Grade 3 and he was not able to learn
how to read and write. He worked as a janitor in a factory near our house. I
remember during election time, I would accompany him to the voting precinct to
guide him and give him instructions on what to do. When I was an elementary
student, I vividly recall the moment when he would ask me to accompany him to
watch the baseball game of my eldest brother to be his “tourist guide.” I would
read for him the signboard on the jeepney which we have to take going to the
venue. This incident strongly motivated me to study hard and make my father
feel proud that even if he was illiterate he was blessed with an educated son. Thus, I have tried my best to excel in my
academics.
My Amang may not fully know
the importance of education and the accomplishments I have earned academically
but I have realized that he was one of the reasons why I strove hard to earn
the highest possible academic degree that any person could achieve. When I
invited him for my graduation in my masteral degree, he replied by saying, “Why
do I have to attend your graduation, you are not going to graduate with honors
anyway.” Honestly, I tried my very best to graduate with honors. I was a
consistent academic scholar and academic excellent awardee until I received a
grade in my very last subject which disqualified me to graduate with
distinction. When I heard that from my Amang, honestly, I did not feel bad
because I know that someday I will reap the fruits of my labor. I have already
realized the reason why I did not graduate with honors, God wanted me to learn
and possess the most important human and holy virtue, humility.
Since my Amang was
addicted to alcohol and nicotine, he would always be with his friends drinking
alcohol practically everyday. He would spend more time with his friends and
would only go home when he will eat, sleep, watch television, and will do his
personal routine. I would not deny that I have cursed my Amang for hurting
everyone in the family both physically, psychologically, and emotionally especially
my Inang. I even remember calling up my older brother because Amang was hurting
Inang. It was one of my most painful moments with him.
If you ask me if I love
Amang, with all humility my answer is YES! As I grow older, I have realized
that we learn more from our painful and sad experiences in life. It may sound
crazy but I have to thank my Amang for that. He has taught me a lot of good
values from those painful moments and that is to be forgiving, accepting,
understanding, and loving as a son and as a Christian.
My Amang may have not
been an ideal father but I still consider him as a loving and caring father.
When I was four years old, he brought me to a perya (carnival) for a ride in a
ferris wheel. He was drunk then and I remember him telling me, “Anak pasensya
ka na, iyan lang ang kaya ng Amang mo.” (Son, I am very sorry because your
father can only give you this much.) I will never forget those words of Amang
which made me realized that no matter how much Amang wanted to show his love to
me and my siblings, he can only do as much. I know in my heart the reason why Amang
said that. It has something to do with his personal history from the day he was
born until the time he became my father.
After 5 years of
working in Indonesia, I went back home to the Philippines. It was my constant
hope and prayer then, only to realize that I will take care of Amang on his
remaining months. It was the most unforgettable, loving, and nurturing moments
I had with Amang. Through him, I was able to show and learn all the loving
values that a son could give to his father.
He told me not to
confine him anymore because he feels very sorry that I have to spend my hard
earned money from working abroad. I told him that I don’t mind if I have to use
up every single peso I have saved if that will prolong his life with the hope
that he will be totally healed from his sickness. One day when we rushed him to
the hospital, I thought that it was his time to go. By the grace of God, he
still made it on that day. I whispered to him, “Amang, I am very thankful to
the Lord because you are still here with me.”
Through all the pain,
sacrifice, service, joy, happiness, and loving moments I had with Amang, I have
come to realize that no matter what I have been through with him, his my Amang which
God has blessed me with.
No comments:
Post a Comment